So in love with the wrong world.

Everything has been crazy lately. It just seems that no one is happy anymore. The world has caught up with us and we are just lost souls running for our lives. Maybe one day we will get a break from all this fighting. Wouldn't that be nice?

But, I am giving myself some down time to read through your blogs.

Oh, and guess who finally consumed enough coffee to be a Gold Member at Starbucks?

Xoxo.

Fact Conflicting With Reality.

I've never shared with you all that my blog was named after the song Sleepyhead by Passion Pit, so if you haven't heard it then you must listen to it, I guarantee you that you will feel the need to get up and dance.

ALSO, I am so flattered that Alkyoni from Electronic Nightsky has picked me for two different awards: the Versatile Blogger and the Stylish Blogger Award, along with 5 other bloggers. How exciting! My first blogging award!!!


Today is said to be the most depressing day of the year, but I would say that today has been a fairly good day, but don't hold it to me, I haven't even started my homework yet.. but, many psychologist have determined this because this is the time of failed resolutions, after holiday debt, and icky weather. There is even a formula that experts have created.

The model is: [W + (D-d)] x TQ
M x NA

The equation is broken down into seven variables: (W) weather, (D) debt, (d) monthly salary, (T) time since Christmas, (Q) time since failed quit attempt, (M) low motivational levels and (NA) the need to take action.

But, I am here to be smarter than all of these professionals and say that today is not the most depressing day. I won't let it be. No doctor can tell me how I am going to feel and when I'm going to feel it, and you shouldn't let them tell you this either. If however you are feeling down, then get up and change your attitude! Personally, hearing that today is going to be depressing inspired me to do everything in my power to prove everyone wrong, and you should want to too! Because it's so much fun.

Now, everyone go out there and prove these doctors wrong and have the best day of your life. I know that's what I'm going to do!

Truth Be Told.

Photo of Avril Lavigne for Nylon Magazine.

I'm in a bit of shlump..well, if that was a word, I would be in it. Contrary to my previous few posts, I am just not feeling as excited as I would have hoped. This could be because of the writing that I have worked consistently with all weekend, on depression. I spent my day reading stories on toddlers suffering through depression, and doctors not willing to give them the proper medication, and school counselors not...well, counseling these children how they should. But, I have to continue on for another week with this because it is a school research paper. Almost there!

Tonight I am going to read 3 different fashion magazines, and eat some chocolate. Then I will put on a lovely mud mask for my face! I just love the feeling of the paste growing stiffer and stiffer on my face and then finally rinsing it off and revealing smooth skin. Could a girl ask for anything better in life?

Stop Haunting Me.

Photos of me by Maddie.

You can't hear me and you wouldn't listen if you could. Yet, to me you are everything. Just know that I miss you. So terribly much. I have lost all sense of direction. I walk with the compass pointing south. Further, and further from who I should be.

I'm Not Sorry

I don't want to post images of girls smiling in colorful dresses. I want to post something where you look at the girl and you want to know the story behind the face. You see her and you want to tell her it's going to be ok. I want one of those posts today. The kind that makes your heart ache because you understand their pain, and you never want any one else to know such a deep pain.

That Place.

You know that place where nothing makes sense, but yet everything is so clear? The place where you can't quite place reality, but you know exactly whats real and what isn't. The state of pure confusion and acceptance. The place where you are free. 100% free. Nothing is keeping you from doing what you want, but you don't know what you want.
The same place you go to when you panic over the little things. The place where you go when there is too much pain to handle. That state of mind that consumes you no matter what you're doing. The place of beauty and trust. And grief and fear.
Do you know that place?
I do.

Not So Foolish Anymore

At a young age we are given Barbie dolls. Dolls that have 'perfect' bodies that we expect of ourselves to have as we grow up. This is immediate pressure on young girls. But, in reality if Barbie was a person, her head would be the same circumference as her waist. This would cause her to have chronic diarrhea and would die of malnutrition. Since Barbies neck is twice as long as the average humans, it would be impossible for her to hold up her own head. Her arms are 50% longer than her arms, the average woman's are 20%. And because her legs are so thin, she would have to walk on all 4's to get around.

REAL WOMEN
Average woman’s height is 5’4″
Their weight is approx. 140 lbs.
They wear a size 14 dress
Their bust is between 36″ and 37″ (B cup)
Their waist is between 30″ and 34″
Their hips average between 40″ and 42″
Their shoe size is estimated to be between 8.5 and 9.5

BARBIE
Barbie’s height would be 7’2″
Her weight would be 101 lbs.
She would wear a size 4 dress
Her bust would be 39″ (FF cup)
Her waist would be 19″ (same as her head)
Her hips would be 33″
Her shoe size would be a 5

Now, to me, this does not sound attractive at all. Nor physically possible.

But, Barbies aren't the only reason that girls choose to work towards a 'better' body. I can't say for sure what it is, other than that everyone wants to feel perfect. We see in magazines and movies what we think is perfect, and don't realize that our bodies are lovely and ideal.

Fashion models are a major influence on girls, but look at their faces. It is heart breaking to see how unhappy they all look and how sunken in their cheeks are, how the life is drained out of their eyes and how much pressure is put on them everyday.

I think that we should make a pact, an agreement of a sort, to go to someone we know and trust and tell them of our struggles and they can help you through these hardships. And, then we will decide to love our bodies. What a crazy idea is that? I know. But, really, truly, we should love our bodies more than anyone else's because our body is the one that will stay with us forever, cherish it, take care of it. You don't get another. Why would you destroy this one? I personally think that everyone needs to look in the mirror everyday and point out something that they think is lovely and repeat it to themselves when they don't feel so lovely anymore.

Because you are lovely. And you are loved. All of you. Everyone.