Pumping Veins. Bursting Vessels.

First day of February. First snow day of the month. First time to pick up this book. First bad snow storm in 20 years. First time to hear this song. First time to miss you this much more. First realization that I could be wrong. First chance to start over.

This month I'm going to be wearing more sequins. Attending more Starbucks gatherings. Focusing even more on my school and art work. Reading more books that leave a lasting impression. Singing louder to my favorite songs. Loving more people than ever before. Trying on more dresses. Focusing on the positive.

This month I'm going to be relying less on jeans. Eating less junk food. Avoiding any and all silly arguments. Spending less time being unproductive. Trusting myself to be less of a procrastinator. Making less excuses. Relying on less people to do what I should be doing myself.

This is going to be my month.
Xoxox.

Fact Conflicting With Reality.

I've never shared with you all that my blog was named after the song Sleepyhead by Passion Pit, so if you haven't heard it then you must listen to it, I guarantee you that you will feel the need to get up and dance.

ALSO, I am so flattered that Alkyoni from Electronic Nightsky has picked me for two different awards: the Versatile Blogger and the Stylish Blogger Award, along with 5 other bloggers. How exciting! My first blogging award!!!


Today is said to be the most depressing day of the year, but I would say that today has been a fairly good day, but don't hold it to me, I haven't even started my homework yet.. but, many psychologist have determined this because this is the time of failed resolutions, after holiday debt, and icky weather. There is even a formula that experts have created.

The model is: [W + (D-d)] x TQ
M x NA

The equation is broken down into seven variables: (W) weather, (D) debt, (d) monthly salary, (T) time since Christmas, (Q) time since failed quit attempt, (M) low motivational levels and (NA) the need to take action.

But, I am here to be smarter than all of these professionals and say that today is not the most depressing day. I won't let it be. No doctor can tell me how I am going to feel and when I'm going to feel it, and you shouldn't let them tell you this either. If however you are feeling down, then get up and change your attitude! Personally, hearing that today is going to be depressing inspired me to do everything in my power to prove everyone wrong, and you should want to too! Because it's so much fun.

Now, everyone go out there and prove these doctors wrong and have the best day of your life. I know that's what I'm going to do!

Today's Wellness Status.

I haven't said much about how my Happiness Project is going so far. Well, I'll catch you up on January: Boost Energy.

Well, I haven't quite finished cleaning out my closet. I have 2 stacks of clothing that I am going to donate, and then I have a bag full of clothes that I am going to throw away. Once I finish my closet I am going to battle all of the clutter in my room. Eeeek! I do not mean organizing every little thing, but rather throwing away all of the 'crap'. For example: I can not get to my desk because surrounding it is shopping bags. I have a wonderful collection of Victoria Secret, Charming Charlies, Sephora, etc. bags.

That being said, I have been doing other things to energize my life. Me and my friend went to the gym the other day, and decided to go 3 times a week (if the weather allows us to). On the other days I do all that I can in my house to keep my blood flowing. And lately I have been replacing barbecue chips with fresh salads & sodas with ice water. Though I do of course allow myself to eat other things in moderation.

One of the things not on my list of things to do for this project is my daily search for inspiration. Now, this might sound crazy when my goal is to boost my energy, but in reality, it really does help my energy level. There is no way that I would ever feel the need to go out and do something if I wasn't inspired to do so. And where does my daily inspiration come from? All of your blogs of course! So, thank you all for helping me with my happiness project!

Now here is some inspiration that I will share with you today:

To Say I Love You.

"Just because you think you found the right person for you, doesn’t always mean that they feel you are the right person for them. That’s the challenge and the risk of opening up to someone, allowing yourself to become comfortable, even fall in love. And then one can ask and question, “I’m here, but you’re not? Where did you go left & I went right?” You can’t dial down feelings and we can’t turn back time. We can hope, even pray, that these intense feelings, desires & passions for that person, will subside if denied. That the ache in the heart will go away, that it will be filled with some other feeling, other than the love & happiness it once possessed. And then there’s the fear. The fear that if you close that door, that you will never allow it be reopened, even for that ‘imperfect’ perfect person, shall they discover that you are the one later in time. So you say to yourself, “Ok, I know the circumstances, I know they will never change, no matter how sincere the words.” So either accept it & be happy now or decide to change it, which would mean changing yourself, how you act, what you feel, what your dreams are, starting over. Is that a risk or a reward? No one knows the true definition of love or can one name the many different forms of love. Each and every one of us, only knows what we feel, what we define love to be. And the beauty of that…we don’t have to explain it to anyone but the one we love. You risk everything sometimes to come out with nothing. And so I’m going to go out on a limb here and say…I’m madly in love with you."

~ Author Unknown

So, my advice to you this evening? Take a chance. Force yourself to take risks that could crush you, or rise you up the the highest level of happiness you can imagine. Love someone worth loving. Let yourself feel something new. If you are unhappy, then how could taking a risk possibly hurt you? You can only get better from here. And things are looking up. Nothing stays the same unless you let it.

Xoxo.

Happiness is Coming.

Last night I began my happiness project. I read for about an hour, then a little after 9 I spent around 10 minutes to sit still and meditate. Then I easily fell asleep and stayed asleep, even though I usually have a hard time due to insomnia. That one night of extra sleep has caught me up so much already, and I'm so happy.

Today I started to clean out my dresser and closet of all the pieces I could never see myself wearing anymore, and was embarrassed when I realized that I did wear this clothing in the past. Tomorrow I will finish this task, as well as cleaning out my desk!

Here is some Sunday inspiration, as well as a photo from a shoot me and Maddie did this summer in her pool!

Starting Now.

Today I purchased The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I got home, and began reading.. it is phenomenal. I would recommend it to everyone. This is not a book for only those suffering through depression, though this would be a very good pick to read if you are. This book was made for anyone to grab off the shelf. It is about making yourself happier, even if you are already happy because there is always room for improvement, and I don't see why anyone would dream of passing this opportunity up.

"There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy."

-Robert Louis Stevenson

"I grasped two things: I wasn't as happy as I could be, and my life wasn't going to change unless I made it change. In that single moment, with that realization, I decided to dedicate a year to trying to be happier." -The Happiness Project. I feel like if we all took a second and just thought. Thought about our lives, our goals, our dreams, and then finally, our reality. What would we notice? Personally, I see that I have been stuck in a dream-like state that has caused reality to be blurred. I don't even know what reality is anymore. And this idea really scares me.

So, I am taking the challenge. The happy challenge, that will change my life forever. Because when I look at my life, I think of one quote, "So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and still trying to figure out how that could be." -The Perks of Being a Wallflower. And I would love to look at my life and be excited for it. Be ready to go out and live.

"I wanted to change myself but accept myself. I wanted to take myself less seriously--and also more seriously. I wanted to use my time well, but I also wanted to wander, to play, to read at whim. I wanted to think about myself so I could forget myself."

-The Happiness Project

As Rubin has done in her book, I am going to start off by making a list of 12 commandments that I will follow throughout the year.

1. Be Courtney.

2. Don't hesitate.

3. Embrace every flaw.

4. Spend time alone & with everyone I know.

5. Love everyone.

6. Allow help from others.

7. Focus on the positive.

8. Let it go.

9. Find the problem.

10. Have more variety.

11. Fix it. Now.

12. Smile regularly.

"What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while." -The Happiness Project

Also, every month I will have a different area of focus, that I will not give up when the month ends, but I will simply grow on it, until I have reached my highest possible level of happiness. I am going to follow Rubin's plan for January, and focus on boosting my energy. This includes: go to sleep earlier, exercise more often, organization, tackling those tasks you put off, and acting more energetic. And I mean it, I really do. I feel like this could be a life changing experience for me. As the months go on, not all of her plans apply to my life considering I am a high school student in the Midwest of the United States. I do not need to worry about marriage, or parenthood anytime soon, so things will be adjusted to better suit my lifestyle. All of those changes will be addressed as they come up, right here on my blog.

Wish me luck on this journey, and I hope you go out and buy your own copy of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. You won't regret it.

This Year.

So far I have been having a really good year this year. And I can tell you why.

• I have read so much more since the new year begun. I have been reading 3 different books. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Emotional Intelligence, and The Human Mind. All are extremely interesting.

• I am also limiting the amount of soda I allow myself to drink, and I believe that I have only had 1 or 2 Starbucks since the new year started. My caffeine has been limited, though not eliminated. I still like to have a cup of coffee at home in the morning before I go off to school, or else I run the risk of falling asleep midway through class.

• I officially have started putting a large chunk of my money in a savings jar. Since I placed a wad of cash in there I have felt so relieved. I now know that I have that security to allow myself to shop smartly.

• Starting tomorrow I am going to begin working out everyday after school at the neighborhood gym we have right up the street from me. Or, at least doing some sort of exercise at home.

• I have spent more time alone, while still leaving plenty of time for my friends and family.

• I have been blogging much more than I ever have before! I've been so excited to blog lately, and I have also been keeping up with reading much more blogs that I adore.

• I've watched 500 Days of Summer 3 times. It's really quite a sad movie, but at the same time so beautiful. Summer took advantage of Tom, guys like him don't exist in the real world, but for some reason their story still seemed worth it all.

• I have been able to spend more time researching colleges, artists, vintage fashion, and amazing bands.

How has everyones year been so far?

A New Beginning.

This year has been a roller coaster. I have had some of my best and some of my worst moments. I have accomplished so much in only 365 days. Starbucks workers now know me by name and can predict my order. My friends can sense my mood. I have moved forward, and then fallen right back into the routine. I have bettered myself as a student, spending hours every evening reading and studying. I have learned to let loose and dance like no ones watching. I have explored New York City. I have pushed people I love away.


I saw the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. And I released a magazine with Maddie. I opened up this blog. I have begun researching psychology and sociology. I lettered in Varsity Swim. I've bought a pocket-sized book called Women Who Dared.

2011 will undoubtedly be an essential year for my future. In less than a year I must make the decision of what college I wish to attend. Which will be one of the biggest decisions that I have had to make in my life so far. This next year is when things start to count. My ACT scores, my GPA and class rank, my passionate love for fashion and art.

There's no looking back from this point on.

"One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." -Helen Keller.

Happy New Year to all!! Xoxox.

Tis The Season.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Today is my 16th Christmas, and it is meeting up to everything I could have imagined. This morning I woke up to find my little brother resting on the couch saying that he has been staring at the presents with wide eyes since 3 AM. The rest of us waited until 8 AM to drag ourselves out of bed to join him.

Every year we tear down the stockings first. I dug through mine to find layers of chocolates and a few knit hats tucked up in between, along with an ornament of the Eiffel Tower hidden at the toes of the oversized sock.

Next we turn on Christmas music and gather around in the living room. My dad turns to each of us with a golden box saying that Santa must have snuck through the chimney the following evening and left them waiting for us until the morning. In that box I found Estee Lauder makeup in a shiny golden case, with a travel-sized makeup bag that has 4 different kinds of makeup brushes.

Along with this I found books, a fuzzy scarf, a cheetah print dress, gloves, and beautiful perfume bottles for me to sneak some Bath & Body Works scents into, all while pretending to own the finest vintage perfumes.

Tonight I am attending a family Christmas party at my Grandma's place. This is my first year to spend Christmas with her, and I can not wait to do so!

How is everyone spending their holidays this season?

Carols.

Break is almost here. Only 7 tests away from a much needed time of relaxation. And I decided to make some goals of things to accomplish over break.

1. Read. Complete all of the books I checked out for school research, as well as personal books I have not yet had time for.

2. Re-watch every Christmas episode of Friends, every Star Wars episode, and every Harry Potter movie.

3. Buy tons of fuzzy sweaters. TONS. I plan on thrifting a lot over break and I need to be sure to stock up on sweaters for layering. No one likes being cold.

4. Become a Gold Member at Starbucks. I have 13 out of the 30 points needed, so I would have to be drinking a lot of coffee, but I feel like it's worth it.

5. Paint more. I rarely paint, and next semester in school I start my painting class. So, I figured it never hurts to get a head start.

6. Bake cookies. It's a tradition, need I say more.

7. Clean out my room. It's becoming a disaster in here and I really need to work on getting that under control one of these days..but I sort of like it like this.

8. Solve the Rubix Cube. I've tried before and failed, but I really would be able to say that I can complete it.

9. Make Christmas themed music videos with my friends.

10. Be happy and carefree. Tis the season to be jolly, after all.

Xoxox.

For You.

For the dancers. For the lonely hearted. For the free spirits. For the dreamers. For the tired. For the young. For the free. For the scared. For the open minded. For the over achievers. For the athletes. For the workers. For the struggling. For the hungry. For the optimistic. For the clueless.

You are beautiful.

For the academic scholars. For the self conscious. For the willing. For the artists. For the weary. For the broken. For the strong. For the depressed. For the missed. For the transexuals. For the individuals. For the girls. For the old. For the love birds. For the cutters. For the alcoholics. For the beginners.

You are loved.

For the boys. For the druggies. For the newly weds. For the retired. For the sleepy. For the wishful thinkers. For the tears shed. For the suffering. For the painters. For the bloggers. For the couch potatoes. For the trainers. For the teachers. For the gay. For the universe. For the 'bad kids'.

You are special.

No matter who you are, there is a life ahead of you. Life to be lived. Don't live like you will be forgotten, live like you will be remembered. Live today like it's your last. Live tomorrow like its your first. Don't take advantage of this beautiful mystery.

Never forget that feeling as a child, learning the ABC's, or how to ride the 'big kid' bicycle. Knowledge is a gift.

Xoxo.

Live & Let Live.

There is so much life to live. Think about it, what if the people who were involved in early feminist movements would have given up on equal rights? Where would the world be? What if Rosa Parks wouldn't have sat on that bus that night? Where would the world be? What if William Shakespeare hadn't written all of those magnificent plays? Where would the world be? Think about the impact that one person can have on so many other people. And the love and hope every single person is capable of spreading to people that they don't even know. Albert Einstein. Pablo Picasso. Socrates. John Lennon. Me. You.
Never let anything or anyone slow you down or keep you from reaching your dreams. Never let life put you down to a level that you don't even want to keep going. Never.
Always let happy moments push you forward with life. Always let the hardest times you face push you to be a better person with a meaning behind every act, every sentence, every breath you take. Always.
Just think about. Think about your life. Everyone has those moments where what they do and who they've become pushes them to keep going to succeed. And to make everyone around them happy and inspired to have a purposeful life. We all have a purpose to live. No one can take that from you. But, no one can give you that purpose except for yourself. We aren't alone in this life that we live, but we are responsible for everything that we do.
So, live life with no regrets. Wake up with a smile on your face and stay up late soaking in every star and every late night text from your best friend.
Live with beauty. Live with acceptance. And most importantly, live with purpose.

That Place.

You know that place where nothing makes sense, but yet everything is so clear? The place where you can't quite place reality, but you know exactly whats real and what isn't. The state of pure confusion and acceptance. The place where you are free. 100% free. Nothing is keeping you from doing what you want, but you don't know what you want.
The same place you go to when you panic over the little things. The place where you go when there is too much pain to handle. That state of mind that consumes you no matter what you're doing. The place of beauty and trust. And grief and fear.
Do you know that place?
I do.

What Society Told Me

It's taught to everyone, no matter where you come from or how much you refuse to admit it, but everyone is shown a way to be 'beautiful' that they are expected to live by and to follow. The ones who break it are the reasons that societies change. For the better. And for the worse. But, in the end, it doesn't matter what you look like, what you wear or who you spend your time with. None of these things will change the fact that you are a person underneath your mask and you can make a difference. If you let yourself. You are you.

I've always loved this image. It reminds me that no matter how much everyone thinks they know about the world, we really don't know. So, why would we spend our time targeting a group of people and hating them, shunning them, when we could accept them into our lives with open arms and an understanding. I recommend that everyone watch the speech that Lady Gaga gave in Portland just the other day about the Don't ask, Don't tell policy. You can find it here.

John Lennon. We are all familiar with this man. He did our world a great deed. He's a legend that has stayed with us for years and years. This quote is perfect for this post because it is saying that we should not give society the power to make us into whom it wants us to be. We should not give into what other people want us to be. We need to be accepting of ourselves and the people around us.
Imagine all the people living life in peace.

JJ from a British show called Skins has a mental issue called Asperger Syndrome. This causes him to struggle with social interactions. He was never told that he had this problem, he found out by seeing papers spread out that his mother had been reading about the disorder and about his diagnosis. JJ wants to be 'normal' just as anyone else does. He wants to be accepted and loved, but he feels that with his condition he can't be this way. Everyone can feel normal, loved and accepted, but it's up to you to accept them and to love them. To make that difference in someones life.

Everyone is good enough. Everyone.

What are we waiting for? We all have voices. Why not make them heard? The world is waiting on you to make a difference. No voice will go unheard if you make it heard. Start talking. Star loving. Start doing. Start being.

And On The 7th Day, She Rested.

My favorite t-shirt. I've found 13 tigers on it, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are more. They are hidden within the bigger tigers faces. Non-stop entertainment all day.

Sentimental Heart

It's been a crazy week, so sorry for lack of bloggage. Homework, babysitting, concerts and everything else seemed to show up all at once. I got to go see She & Him on Monday and it was amazing! I was 10 feet from Zooey Deschanel, and let me tell you, she's even prettier in person. I didn't know that was even possible. She is stunning to not only look at, but hear play several instruments and sing too!

If you aren't familiar with She & Him then I suggest you listen to:
Sentimental Heart, You Really Gotta Hold On Me, Black Hole, Sweet Darlin', Thieves, & In The Sun.
I linked them all to youtube, and the video for In The Sun is absolutely precious. Enjoy.

The Night Sky

Yes, I study constellations and galaxies outside of Astronomy class.

This is Ursa Major, one of my favorite constellations. It is known for being in the shape of a bear; however, I call it a dog shape because that's what I see.

Color & I Are One. I Am A Painter.

Rainy Days and Fridays.

The sound of rain is so peaceful, so real. I'm going to enjoy every minute of this.