Edith Minturn Sedgwick.

"It's not that I'm rebelling. It's that I'm just trying to find another way."
-Edie Sedgwick

Edie Sedgwick. If I could pick one person in this world that I would like to be most like, I would choose Edie. Hands down. Yes, I love Twiggy, Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn as well, but Edie is the girl that I find myself drawn to the most. She is a beautiful disaster. I wouldn't wish her misery on my greatest enemy, she spent her life struggling with psychological issues, because of her brothers suicide, that led to eating disorders, and drug abuse. But, her beauty, outstanding personality and style has been iconic ever since she was Girl of the Year in 1960's.

"While I was girl of the year and superstar and all that crap, everything I did was really...motivated by psychological disturbance. But I’d, I’d make a mask out of my face because I didn’t realize I was quite beautiful...I had to wear heavy black eyelashes like bat wings and dark lines under my eyes. Cut all my hair off, my long dark hair, cut it off and strip it silver and blond. All these little manoeuvres I did out of things that were happening in my life that upset me. I’d freak out in a very physical way, and...it was all taken in a fashion trend."

"You have to put up with the risk of being misunderstood if you are going to try to communicate. You have to put up with people projecting their own ideas, attitudes, misunderstanding you. But it's worth being a public fool if that's all you can be in order to communicate yourself."

"Edith Minturn Sedgwick: beautiful artist and actress and all around loon. Remembered for setting the world on fire and escaping the clutches of her terrifying family. Made friends with eeeeverybody, and anybody...creating chaos and uproar wherever she went. Divorced as many times as she married, she leaves only good wishes behind."
-Factory Girl

Purple Lace, Blue Ribbons.

"This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront that this is not a love story."

-500 Days of Summer

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people."

"Writers, especially poets, are particularly prone to madness. There exists a striking association between creativity and manic depression. Why are more creative people prone to madness? They have more than average amounts of energies and abilities to see things in a fresh and original ways--then because they also have depression, I think they're more in touch with human suffering."

Everyone is Everyone.

I have been overloaded since I got back to school. I just finished my 2181 word essay on different age groups and their struggles with depression. Pheww! I feel like I wrote a novel. I am so far behind on reading all of your blogs, and I am terribly sorry. Tomorrow is Friday, so I will begin to have time to go through each and every post!

To Say I Love You.

"Just because you think you found the right person for you, doesn’t always mean that they feel you are the right person for them. That’s the challenge and the risk of opening up to someone, allowing yourself to become comfortable, even fall in love. And then one can ask and question, “I’m here, but you’re not? Where did you go left & I went right?” You can’t dial down feelings and we can’t turn back time. We can hope, even pray, that these intense feelings, desires & passions for that person, will subside if denied. That the ache in the heart will go away, that it will be filled with some other feeling, other than the love & happiness it once possessed. And then there’s the fear. The fear that if you close that door, that you will never allow it be reopened, even for that ‘imperfect’ perfect person, shall they discover that you are the one later in time. So you say to yourself, “Ok, I know the circumstances, I know they will never change, no matter how sincere the words.” So either accept it & be happy now or decide to change it, which would mean changing yourself, how you act, what you feel, what your dreams are, starting over. Is that a risk or a reward? No one knows the true definition of love or can one name the many different forms of love. Each and every one of us, only knows what we feel, what we define love to be. And the beauty of that…we don’t have to explain it to anyone but the one we love. You risk everything sometimes to come out with nothing. And so I’m going to go out on a limb here and say…I’m madly in love with you."

~ Author Unknown

So, my advice to you this evening? Take a chance. Force yourself to take risks that could crush you, or rise you up the the highest level of happiness you can imagine. Love someone worth loving. Let yourself feel something new. If you are unhappy, then how could taking a risk possibly hurt you? You can only get better from here. And things are looking up. Nothing stays the same unless you let it.

Xoxo.

Starting Now.

Today I purchased The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I got home, and began reading.. it is phenomenal. I would recommend it to everyone. This is not a book for only those suffering through depression, though this would be a very good pick to read if you are. This book was made for anyone to grab off the shelf. It is about making yourself happier, even if you are already happy because there is always room for improvement, and I don't see why anyone would dream of passing this opportunity up.

"There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy."

-Robert Louis Stevenson

"I grasped two things: I wasn't as happy as I could be, and my life wasn't going to change unless I made it change. In that single moment, with that realization, I decided to dedicate a year to trying to be happier." -The Happiness Project. I feel like if we all took a second and just thought. Thought about our lives, our goals, our dreams, and then finally, our reality. What would we notice? Personally, I see that I have been stuck in a dream-like state that has caused reality to be blurred. I don't even know what reality is anymore. And this idea really scares me.

So, I am taking the challenge. The happy challenge, that will change my life forever. Because when I look at my life, I think of one quote, "So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and still trying to figure out how that could be." -The Perks of Being a Wallflower. And I would love to look at my life and be excited for it. Be ready to go out and live.

"I wanted to change myself but accept myself. I wanted to take myself less seriously--and also more seriously. I wanted to use my time well, but I also wanted to wander, to play, to read at whim. I wanted to think about myself so I could forget myself."

-The Happiness Project

As Rubin has done in her book, I am going to start off by making a list of 12 commandments that I will follow throughout the year.

1. Be Courtney.

2. Don't hesitate.

3. Embrace every flaw.

4. Spend time alone & with everyone I know.

5. Love everyone.

6. Allow help from others.

7. Focus on the positive.

8. Let it go.

9. Find the problem.

10. Have more variety.

11. Fix it. Now.

12. Smile regularly.

"What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while." -The Happiness Project

Also, every month I will have a different area of focus, that I will not give up when the month ends, but I will simply grow on it, until I have reached my highest possible level of happiness. I am going to follow Rubin's plan for January, and focus on boosting my energy. This includes: go to sleep earlier, exercise more often, organization, tackling those tasks you put off, and acting more energetic. And I mean it, I really do. I feel like this could be a life changing experience for me. As the months go on, not all of her plans apply to my life considering I am a high school student in the Midwest of the United States. I do not need to worry about marriage, or parenthood anytime soon, so things will be adjusted to better suit my lifestyle. All of those changes will be addressed as they come up, right here on my blog.

Wish me luck on this journey, and I hope you go out and buy your own copy of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. You won't regret it.

A New Beginning.

This year has been a roller coaster. I have had some of my best and some of my worst moments. I have accomplished so much in only 365 days. Starbucks workers now know me by name and can predict my order. My friends can sense my mood. I have moved forward, and then fallen right back into the routine. I have bettered myself as a student, spending hours every evening reading and studying. I have learned to let loose and dance like no ones watching. I have explored New York City. I have pushed people I love away.


I saw the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. And I released a magazine with Maddie. I opened up this blog. I have begun researching psychology and sociology. I lettered in Varsity Swim. I've bought a pocket-sized book called Women Who Dared.

2011 will undoubtedly be an essential year for my future. In less than a year I must make the decision of what college I wish to attend. Which will be one of the biggest decisions that I have had to make in my life so far. This next year is when things start to count. My ACT scores, my GPA and class rank, my passionate love for fashion and art.

There's no looking back from this point on.

"One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." -Helen Keller.

Happy New Year to all!! Xoxox.

We Deserve Better Than This.

Have a lovely day. xoxo.

What Society Told Me

It's taught to everyone, no matter where you come from or how much you refuse to admit it, but everyone is shown a way to be 'beautiful' that they are expected to live by and to follow. The ones who break it are the reasons that societies change. For the better. And for the worse. But, in the end, it doesn't matter what you look like, what you wear or who you spend your time with. None of these things will change the fact that you are a person underneath your mask and you can make a difference. If you let yourself. You are you.

I've always loved this image. It reminds me that no matter how much everyone thinks they know about the world, we really don't know. So, why would we spend our time targeting a group of people and hating them, shunning them, when we could accept them into our lives with open arms and an understanding. I recommend that everyone watch the speech that Lady Gaga gave in Portland just the other day about the Don't ask, Don't tell policy. You can find it here.

John Lennon. We are all familiar with this man. He did our world a great deed. He's a legend that has stayed with us for years and years. This quote is perfect for this post because it is saying that we should not give society the power to make us into whom it wants us to be. We should not give into what other people want us to be. We need to be accepting of ourselves and the people around us.
Imagine all the people living life in peace.

JJ from a British show called Skins has a mental issue called Asperger Syndrome. This causes him to struggle with social interactions. He was never told that he had this problem, he found out by seeing papers spread out that his mother had been reading about the disorder and about his diagnosis. JJ wants to be 'normal' just as anyone else does. He wants to be accepted and loved, but he feels that with his condition he can't be this way. Everyone can feel normal, loved and accepted, but it's up to you to accept them and to love them. To make that difference in someones life.

Everyone is good enough. Everyone.

What are we waiting for? We all have voices. Why not make them heard? The world is waiting on you to make a difference. No voice will go unheard if you make it heard. Start talking. Star loving. Start doing. Start being.

Sentimental Heart

It's been a crazy week, so sorry for lack of bloggage. Homework, babysitting, concerts and everything else seemed to show up all at once. I got to go see She & Him on Monday and it was amazing! I was 10 feet from Zooey Deschanel, and let me tell you, she's even prettier in person. I didn't know that was even possible. She is stunning to not only look at, but hear play several instruments and sing too!

If you aren't familiar with She & Him then I suggest you listen to:
Sentimental Heart, You Really Gotta Hold On Me, Black Hole, Sweet Darlin', Thieves, & In The Sun.
I linked them all to youtube, and the video for In The Sun is absolutely precious. Enjoy.

Last Day.

So, it's the last day before I go back to school and I just got home from a morning coffee trip with some friends. Which got me to thinking about what kind of a person I will be this upcoming year. And if I will be making tons of new friends, or if my previous bonds will tighten or fall apart. I have decided to not let myself lose any friends, but I will let myself gain new ones. I set goals for myself to maintain a good GPA, study things I am interested in, stay positive and make the most out of everything. I am going to be happy.

So Inspired

Some quotes that inspire me to be happy and live life to the fullest.